5. Michigan State’s John L. Smith: “Coaches Screwing It Up” (2005)
We’re used to seeing coaches rail on their players on the sideline. But Smith threw his coaches under the bus as he was walking off the field and being interviewed by ABC’s Jack Arute during a 2005 game against Ohio State. The Buckeyes blocked a field goal and returned it for a touchdown right before the half.
Michigan State had rushed its field goal team in on third down – instead of spiking the ball – barely getting the play off and getting a 12th man off the field. What did Smith think about the decision by his staff?
“The kids are playing their tail off, and the coaches are screwing it up!” he said in a huff.
Well, then.
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4. Oklahoma State’s Les Miles: “Fight & Resolve” (2004)
Here’s Miles again, who never disappoints. This time, he makes an appearance as Oklahoma State’s head coach after a loss to rival Oklahoma in 2004. Miles had this glint in his eye that, frankly, scared us.
Yeah, we know he was just passionate about the Cowboys’ “fight” and “resolve.” In fact, Miles said that he would take his football team and play any “sucker” in the country. That line, combined with the look on Miles’ face, makes us giggle every time.
Oh yeah, Miles also said he looked forward to the future. But it wouldn’t be in Stillwater. Miles left to coach LSU after the season.
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3. Colorado’s Dan Hawkins: “Go Play Intramurals, Brother!” (2007)
Hawkins’ rant is so infamous that he’s known just as the guy who screamed about “intramurals” and “the Big 12!” – and not necessarily by his name. Either way, the best thing about Hawkins’ diatribe is that he tries to lull you to sleep before he rams his point home.
The ex-Colorado coach ranted about parents who had written him a letter suggesting that Buffs players should get more time off. He began like this:
Hawkins (quietly): “Here’s my point, OK …”
Hawkins (screaming): “IT’S DIVISION I FOOTBALL, IT’S THE BIG 12 …”
And if you don’t agree with Hawkins? Go play intramurals, brother!
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2. Coastal Carolina’s David Bennett: “Cats & Dogs” (2011)
This is a new addition to the pantheon of rants, but it made a meteoric rise into the YouTube Hall of Fame after the Coastal Carolina coach rambled on last week. It spread like wildfire over the internet, appearing on Yahoo’s home page and the opening block of “Pardon the Interruption.”
Bennett talks about a cat who was loose in his house – doing so in his inimitable Southern accent. Then, he used the comparison of cats and dogs in reference to what type of player he wants on his team.
He wants a dawwwwwwwg. Don’t be a cat, OK?
“Meow!”
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1. Oklahoma State’s Mike Gundy: “I’m a Man!” (2007)
Was there any doubt?
When Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson criticized quarterback Bobby Reid after he had been benched, Gundy went nuclear after a win over Texas Tech, unleashing his legendary “I’m a man!” speech. Not only is it the greatest college football coaching rant, it may be the greatest coaching rant of all time.
Roll that beautiful footage.
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