College Football’s Funniest Player Names Ever

  • QB: Jim Bob Cooter (Tennessee)

    It’s hard to overlook Maryland’s Dick Shiner and Northeast Oklahoma A&M’s Kokain Mothershed but Cooter is forever an SEC legend for a name that screams “redneck” and “pervert” at the same time.

  • RB: Ben Gay (Garden City CC)

    He has the same name as a heat rub to relieve joint pain. Enough said.

  • RB: Richie Rich (North Carolina)

    Who wants to have the same name as a snot-nosed brat played by Macaulay Culkin?

  • WR: George Shorthose (Missouri)

    A receiver for the Tigers in the 1980s, the team shower must have been, uh, fun.

  • WR: Fair Hooker (Arizona State)

    U.S. Olympian Destinee Hooker raised eyebrows with her name at the 2012 Olympics but many people forget about Fair Hooker, the ASU wideout in the 1960s.

  • TE: Kyle Sackrider (Michigan State)

    Any last name with “sack” is unfortunate. “Sackrider”? That’s just tragic.

  • OL: Guy Whimper (East Carolina)

    Now in the NFL, opposing NFL defensive linemen must have a field day before every snap.

  • OL: Shelley Smith (Colorado State)

    First, Smith had to grow up with a girl’s name. Then he had to endure jokes about having the same name as an ESPN sideline reporter.

  • OL: Blaze Ryder (Navy)

    This Navy center from Hawaii also has a brother, Wave Ryder. Riding a wave makes sense, but riding a blaze? We don’t get it.

  • OL: Heath Cockburn (Furman)

    How many STD jokes do you think Cockburn heard over the years? We’d put the over/under at one million.

  • OL: Thor Jozwiak (USF)

    You just can’t say his first name without screaming, “Thorrrrrr!” This offensive lineman with a super hero’s first name is perfect for playing in the trenches.

  • DL: Stalin Colinet (Boston College)

    We’re guessing Colinet’s parents didn’t realize the former Soviet leader was a mass-murderer. At least they had the sense not to name him Hitler Colinet.

  • DL: Jose Jose (UCF)

    What’s with the double name? Kicked off the team at UCF, we hope Jose surfaces. It won’t be hard to find him.

  • DL: Dee Liner (Alabama)

    This kid was born to play the position.

  • DL: Gelo Orange (Wake Forest)

    First, how did he not end up at Syracuse? The “There’s always room for jello” jokes must be merciless.

  • LB: Lucious Pusey (Eastern Illinois)

    When Pusey’s name surfaced in 2006, the internet almost broke. Fortunately, he changed his name to Lucious Seymour – but not until after his media guide picture went viral.

  • LB: Brown Marks (Indiana)

    There’s no picture of him at IU so we improvised. We’re guessing this 1960s player checked his pants every time he threw them in the Hoosiers’ dirty hamper.

  • LB: Yourhighness Morgan (FAU)

    That’s right, “Yourhighness” is his first name - all one word. We would have paid to see him ask questions at practice and had coaches respond, “Yes, Yourhighness?”

  • DB: DeMarcus Faggins (Kansas State)

    The former Wildcat edges out former Florida State receiver De’Cody Fagg for the “Most Likely Victim of a Homophobic Insult” award.

  • DB: Dick Felt (BYU)

    Playing for the Cougars in the 1950s, Felt hopefully didn’t endure too much harassment because Dick was such a common name at the time. We just want to know if he ever became friends with ex-Maryland QB Dick Shiner.

  • DB: Earthwind Moreland (Georgia Southern)

    We love Earth, Wind & Fire as much as the next guy, but we wouldn’t name our kid after the funk band.

  • DB: Harry Colon (Missouri)

    An early 1990s player, this just sounds like a name Bart Simpson would use on “The Simpsons” for prank calls.

  • P: Ben Bologna (Princeton)

    Being named after a sandwich meat must be brutal. If his last name was pastrami, at least he wouldn’t have to face, “What a bunch of bologna” jokes.

  • K: Chris Blewitt (Pitt)

    What are the chances this kid became a kicker? Every single miss leaves open the possibility for heckles and headlines of “You Blewitt!!!”

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