College Football’s 2012 All-Name Team

QB: Stevie Joe Dorman, Colorado State – Two first names is usually a punch line to a "You Know You're a Redneck if..." joke, even outside the south.

RB: Konockus Sashington, North Texas – His first name makes him sound concussion-prone; his last name sounds like an old-fashioned type of dance.

RB: Sirgregory Thornton, Arkansas State – “I’m much too snooty to run between the tackles! I simply must run outside only!”

WR: Philander Moore, Ole Miss (pictured) – All his teammates are suspicious when they see him talking to their girlfriends.

WR: Bookie Cobbins, Kentucky – Hopefully he doesn’t wear glasses, otherwise he’d get wedgies all the time.

TE: Rob Blanchflower, UMass – Tight ends need to be big and powerful, not pale and delicate.

Photo Credit: Spruce Derden/US Presswire

OL: Win Homer, Boston College – You can never count on him to play well in road games.

OL: Thor Jozwiak, South Florida – No matter how much time he spends in the weight room, his namesake will always be stronger.

OL: Spencer Drango, Baylor (pictured) – He’s probably already getting confused with the upcoming Tarantino protagonist.

OL: Blaze Ryder, Navy - He and his brother, Navy safety Wave Ryder, sound like a WWF tagteam.

OL: Godspower Offor, Wake Forest – If he has God's power, why were the Demon Deacons 6-7 last season?

DL: Maxx Forde, Idaho – Ten bucks says there’s a female porn star with the same name.

DL: Mister Cobble, Kentucky (pictured) – We can’t believe an 80-year-old still has college eligibility.

DL: Ego Ferguson, LSU – Tries so hard to be a team player but can’t convince coaches he’s unselfish.

DL: Aziz Shittu, Stanford – No explanation necessary.

Photo Credit: Jamie Rhodes/US Presswire

LB: Yourhighness Morgan, FAU – The only player in America whose own coach responds to him with, "Yes, Yourhighness."

LB: Joe Stoner, New Mexico (pictured) – Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan would find it hilarious if he knew there’s a football player in the ABQ named “Stoner.”

LB: Wonderful Monds II, Buffalo – Isn’t that the name of a candy they sell in Germany? And he’s not the first Wonderful Monds?

Photo Credit: Beth Hall/US Presswire

CB: Xavier Archangel, UTSA – Larry Coker probably just assumes he’s the player breaking the team rules.

CB: Hugs Etienne, Wisconsin – Those long embraces he’s prone to? They get him whistled for pass interference all the time.

S: BooBoo Gates, Bowling Green – He shies away from the big hits due to fear of injury.

S: Fudge Van Hooser, Tulane – It sounds like his coaches are swearing when, in fact, they’re just screaming his first name.

K: Maikon Bonani, USF - His name sounds like something you'd order at a fancy restaurant just to say the name out loud.

P: Kirby Van Der Kamp, Iowa State (pictured) – Not a lot of high-society kids from the Upper East Side make it to Ames, Iowa.

Photo Credit: Nelson Chenault/US Presswire