College Football’s 2012 All-Name Team
QB: Stevie Joe Dorman, Colorado State – Two first names is usually a punch line to a "You Know You're a Redneck if..." joke, even outside the south.
RB: Konockus Sashington, North Texas – His first name makes him sound concussion-prone; his last name sounds like an old-fashioned type of dance.
RB: Sirgregory Thornton, Arkansas State – “I’m much too snooty to run between the tackles! I simply must run outside only!”
WR: Philander Moore, Ole Miss (pictured) – All his teammates are suspicious when they see him talking to their girlfriends.
WR: Bookie Cobbins, Kentucky – Hopefully he doesn’t wear glasses, otherwise he’d get wedgies all the time.
TE: Rob Blanchflower, UMass – Tight ends need to be big and powerful, not pale and delicate.
Photo Credit: Spruce Derden/US Presswire
OL: Win Homer, Boston College – You can never count on him to play well in road games.
OL: Thor Jozwiak, South Florida – No matter how much time he spends in the weight room, his namesake will always be stronger.
OL: Spencer Drango, Baylor (pictured) – He’s probably already getting confused with the upcoming Tarantino protagonist.
OL: Blaze Ryder, Navy - He and his brother, Navy safety Wave Ryder, sound like a WWF tagteam.
OL: Godspower Offor, Wake Forest – If he has God's power, why were the Demon Deacons 6-7 last season?
DL: Maxx Forde, Idaho – Ten bucks says there’s a female porn star with the same name.
DL: Mister Cobble, Kentucky (pictured) – We can’t believe an 80-year-old still has college eligibility.
DL: Ego Ferguson, LSU – Tries so hard to be a team player but can’t convince coaches he’s unselfish.
DL: Aziz Shittu, Stanford – No explanation necessary.
Photo Credit: Jamie Rhodes/US Presswire
LB: Yourhighness Morgan, FAU – The only player in America whose own coach responds to him with, "Yes, Yourhighness."
LB: Joe Stoner, New Mexico (pictured) – Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan would find it hilarious if he knew there’s a football player in the ABQ named “Stoner.”
LB: Wonderful Monds II, Buffalo – Isn’t that the name of a candy they sell in Germany? And he’s not the first Wonderful Monds?
Photo Credit: Beth Hall/US Presswire
CB: Xavier Archangel, UTSA – Larry Coker probably just assumes he’s the player breaking the team rules.
CB: Hugs Etienne, Wisconsin – Those long embraces he’s prone to? They get him whistled for pass interference all the time.
S: BooBoo Gates, Bowling Green – He shies away from the big hits due to fear of injury.
S: Fudge Van Hooser, Tulane – It sounds like his coaches are swearing when, in fact, they’re just screaming his first name.
K: Maikon Bonani, USF - His name sounds like something you'd order at a fancy restaurant just to say the name out loud.
P: Kirby Van Der Kamp, Iowa State (pictured) – Not a lot of high-society kids from the Upper East Side make it to Ames, Iowa.
Photo Credit: Nelson Chenault/US Presswire
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