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2014 College Football All-Name Team

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  • QB: Muchie Legaux (Cincinnati)

    There are sure to be a handful of players who make us sit up and take notice in 2014. Not just for their playmaking abilities but also for their names - some of which are so out there that they’re bound to
    overshadow their owners’ on-field performance. In honor of those players, take a look at College Football’s 2014 All-Name Team.

    We couldn’t have been happier when the NCAA awarded an extra year of eligibility to Legaux in February. “Munchie” got an opportunity to bounce back from a gruesome knee injury suffered last September against Illinois, and the fans get to watch the best-named QB in the land for one more college season.

  • RB: Jack Snowball (Miami [OH])

    The Wadsworth, OH, native has a name seemingly plucked from a children’s storybook. If the practice squad member from a year ago becomes a viable option in the RedHawks’ rushing attack, it will indeed by a storybook-like development.

  • FB: Jazzmar Clax (UConn)

    http://cdn.msgvarsity.com/polopoly_fs/1.153957.1329847734!image/2526147088.jpg_gen/derivatives/WL/2526147088.jpg

    Even “Key & Peele” would be hard-pressed to come up with a fake name as ridiculously unique as this. A stocky 5-foot-11 and 240 pounds, Clax will be looking to far surpass the 11 yards he rushed for as a redshirt freshman in 2013.

  • WR: Fudge Van Hooser (Tulane)

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gMiGAhxuRiI/Tzx43Q-EsMI/AAAAAAAABPQ/LOzoC5zdZjk/s1600/fudge%2Bvan%2Bhooser.jpg

    On the field, Van Hooser hasn’t done fudge yet, failing to record a reception last year after redshirting in 2012. We’ll see if that changes this fall.

  • WR: D'Angelo Barksdale (San Diego)

    Fans of the hit TV show “The Wire” know D’Angelo Barksdale as the drug dealer with the big heart. Fans of the FCS San Diego Toreros know D’Angelo Barksdale as a redshirt junior wide receiver they are hoping breaks out for a big season in 2014. Hopefully USD’s Barksdale keeps better company off the field than the same-named fictional character…

  • TE: Jake Butt (Michigan)

    http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Jake+Butt+Ohio+State+v+Michigan+jWwWRiXLLjcl.jpg

    The Michigan tight end has certainly been the “butt” of many jokes since arriving in Ann Arbor last year, and the Wolverine himself realizing how absurd his last name is with the Twitter handle @JBooty_88. After coming on strong at the end of his freshman year, there should be plenty of butt jokes at opposing Big Ten stadiums over the next couple years, provided he can come back from an ACL injury suffered in February.

  • OL: Spencer Drango (Baylor)

    With a name befitting a James Bond villain, Drango is no doubt plotting a way to contribute to the Bears’ world-conquering offense again after back surgery cost him the final four games of his 2013 redshirt sophomore season.

  • OL. Thor Jozwiak (South Florida)

    Named for the Norse god, Jozwiak’s 2013 season was lost to Atrial Fibrillation, a form of irregular heartbeat. Now with a clean bill of health, Jozwiak is hoping for a thunderous return to the field.

  • OL: Chongo Kondolo (Nebraska)

    “The Great Kondolo” sounds like the stage name of a powerful magician, doesn’t it? A 6-foot-4, 300-pound transfer from Fresno City (CA) College last year, Kondolo will try to make his fair share of opposing pass rushers disappear as a redshirt junior in 2014.

  • OL: Blaze Ryder (Navy)

    2013 marked the final collegiate season for awesomely- and appropriately-named Navy DB Wave Ryder. Much to our delight, he’s got a younger brother on the team named Blaze, a junior center intent on helping the Midshipmen burn opponents on the ground again this year.

  • OL: Win Homer (Boston College)

    Win’s first name is actually “Winthrop” but “Win” is just so much better. The former four-star recruit will try to make sure the Eagles pile up victories under the run-heavy scheme of head coach Steve Addazio.

  • DL: Dee Liner (Alabama)

    It’s just too perfect that the highly recruited Dee Liner makes his living on (you guessed it) the defensive line. After only appearing in one game as a true freshman in 2013, Liner is expected to make a big impact in 2014.

  • DL: Silverberry Mouhon (Cincinnati)

    Opposing defensive lineman would be wise not to chuckle at the sound of Mouhon’s name. The junior from Georgia led the Bearcats in sacks (9.5) and tackles for loss (12.5) in a breakout 2013 season.

  • DL: Wonderful Terrific Monds II (FIU)

    http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/wonderful-terrific-monds.jpg

    Like his father before him who played football at Nebraska and with the San Francisco 49ers, Wonderful Terrific Monds II is trying to be known for more than just an awesome name. FIU needs a big contribution from Monds - who sat out last season due to transfer rules - after going 1-11 and allowing 37.0 PPG last fall.

  • DL: Lion King (Eastern Michigan)

    While the Eastern Michigan freshman’s given name is Lion King Conway, he now just goes by Lion King. We can only hope his siblings are also named for Disney animated movies.

  • LB: SteveO Michel (Colorado State)

    When most people hear “SteveO,” they likely think “Jackass.” A rising redshirt junior from Orlando, Michel was anything but a jackass when he forced a key fumble on a Washington State kick return late in last year’s New Mexico Bowl, leading to an eventual game-winning field goal for the Rams.

  • LB: Cassanova McKinzy (Auburn)

    Appropriately enough, fans on the Plains swooned for Casanova during a sophomore season in which the Birmingham native led the Tigers in tackles (75), the first underclassman to do so since 2008.

  • LB: Psalm Wooching (Washington)

    Whether this Psalm’s presence in Seattle will become an on-the-field blessing remains to be seen. Off the field, Wooching has already won the UW program’s “Construction Crew” weightlifting award in 2012 and earned Honorable Mention Academic All-Pac-12 honors in 2013.

  • DB: Money Hunter (Arkansas State)

    http://throwtheflagblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Money-Hunter.png

    A rising sophomore from Texas and the son of MLB player Torii Hunter, the DB will be on the prowl for more big plays in 2014 following a freshman season that saw him record 36 tackles and break up a pair of passes.

  • DB: ’Hugs’ Etienne (Wisconsin)

    “Hugs” is not actually a nickname but rather short for Etienne’s given name of (no joke) “Hugsanly.” A difficult freshman season during which the Fort Lauderdale, FL, native fell on the Badgers’ DB depth chart likely left him in dire need of a hug or two.

  • DB: Corn Elder (Miami [FL])

    Belying his name, Elder is not a product of the Midwest but rather Nashville. And he’s hoping there’s nothing corny about his play as he seeks to establish a consistent role in the Hurricanes’ defensive backfield and grow into a threat in the return game as well.

  • DB: Sojourn Shelton (Wisconsin)

    http://grfx.cstv.com/schools/wis/blog/FB_131120_Shelton_Sojourn.jpg

    Apparently Wisconsin really values great names when recruiting players in its secondary. While not quite as memorable as “Hugs” Etienne, naming your son after the word for a brief stay feels like it was discovered while reading the dictionary.

  • P: Steven Broccoli (Tulane)

    Leave it to a punter to be named after a vegetable. We imagine the jokes at Broccoli’s expense during team lunches and dinners are endless.

  • K: Chris Blewitt (Pitt)

    The rising sophomore has just about the last surname you want to have if you’re an unsuccessful field goal kicker. Thankfully for both Blewitt and Panthers fans, he rarely screwed up in 2013, setting a school freshman kick-scoring record with 82 points.

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