Top 10 “Occupy Herbstreit” Signs
10. “Radiohead wouldn’t play in the Big East either”
The British music group known for its disdain of corporate greed was supposed to play a free concert for Occupy Wall Street protesters at the end of last month but pulled a no-show. The Big East can relate; TCU committed to play in the Big East but bailed before playing a single game to head to the Big 12.
9. “NC State mistakenly foreclosed on Russell Wilson”
Well, Wolfpack head coach Tom O’Brien didn’t exactly “foreclose” on Wilson, but he might as well have. O’Brien declared Mike Glennon the starting QB when Wilson’s gridiron future was up in the air as he pursued a pro baseball career in the spring. Wilson decided to return for his senior year of football and is now a Heisman Trophy candidate at No. 6 Wisconsin while his old school is just 3-3, including a 30-point loss to Cincinnati. Oops.
8. “Our economy is crashing at SEC speed”
The speed of players in the SEC is legendary and one of the main reasons the conference has won five BCS National Championships in a row. With the Dow Jones down over 1,000 points since the summer, the economy is plunging faster than a Jeff Demps touchdown run.
7. “Stephen Garcia is occupying this tailgate”
The former South Carolina quarterback has often been at the butt end of jokes for his five college suspensions and alcohol issues while in Columbia. After being dismissed by Steve Spurrier last week, not many people would have been surprised if he showed up in the parking lot of the Clemson-Maryland game last Saturday.
6. “Mangino also has 13 demands: Dunkin Donunts Baker’s Dozen”
The Occupy Wall Street movement gained focus two weeks ago when it clarified its list of 13 demands. Occupy Herbstreit used that as a chance to poke fun at former Kansas head coach Mark Mangino, who people have speculated could weigh up to 500 pounds.
5. “This protest is probably being announced by Pam Ward”
During a trip to Washington, D.C., Occupy Herbstreit found a protest that looked completely empty and about as exciting as the bad games ESPN play-by-play woman Pam Ward is usually stuck calling on fall Saturdays.
4. “Mike Stoops and Locksley will be joining us soon”
Mike Stoops was fired from Arizona last week and Mike Locksley was axed by New Mexico at the end of September. Now in the unemployment line, the two have nothing better to do than camp out in Zuccutti Park . Oh, and you can add ex-Tulane head coach Bob Toledo to that list now.
3. “Meineke Car Care Bowl is not a living wage”
Demand No. 1 from Occupy Wall Street is restore the living wage, as many people currently hold jobs that can’t pay their bills. And while the Meineke Car Care Bowl pays out $1.6M per team, Clemson barely turned a profit after the cost of travel and other expenses were factored in. Why are there 35 bowl games again?
2. “What is the different between Cam Newton & Enron? Only one can survive a SEC investigation”
The Houston-based energy company infamously declared for bankruptcy in 2001 after massive accounting fraud was uncovered by the Securities and Exchange Commission. Accusations that Auburn QB Cam Newton was paid to play for the Tigers hung over a national title and Heisman Trophy campaign last fall, but both the Southeastern Conference and NCAA have cleared him of any wrongdoing.
1. “Notre Dame thought Charlie Weis was too big to fail”
For all the comedic genius that Occupy Herbstreit has provided, none of us are above a good fat joke. “Too big to fail” has been a phrase used to describe the 2008 financial meltdown among banks that the U.S. government bailed out because the country couldn’t afford them to go under. Unfortunately, the obese former Irish coach wasn’t bailed out after a woeful 35-27 combined record in South Bend; he was fired.