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Watch Out World: Scot Pollard Wants To Be A Movie Star

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Are you ready to step back into the mind of Scot Pollard? After discussing NCAA Tournament expansion in his first column, Pollard switches it up in his second column to talk about his ambitions to star on the silver screen. Yes, you read that correctly. Could Scot Pollard be the next Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in Hollywood? Read on for @scotpollard31’s plan to make it big in Tinsel Town.

“Why do all athletes want to become actors? And why do actors want to become athletes? The following is a statement of fact from the mind of Scot Pollard. So chew it, swallow it.

Athletes want to become actors because the fame and money that comes from being an athlete makes you want more fame and money. It’s a good feeling. So why not be in movies and TV as well? Athlete’s mind: “I’ve worked really hard to entertain a bunch of people in a live situation. They loved me. I should do the entertaining thing for a living.”

Let’s face it, the NBA is a lot of show, and some substance. The statement has been made that you don’t need to watch an NBA game till the 4th quarter because that’s when they start trying. I can’t argue that point really well.

The first three quarters? Say hello to the actors in the crowd (this works better in LA than Milwaukee), wave at the pretty girls (single guys, never me!) try to find your family, taunt the fans, chat with the fans about who their favorite actor is.

Me? For the most part of my career, I played a bad guy in front of 17k people about 100 times a year. I got booed more than a white guy telling racist jokes at the Apollo! I thrived on the negative attention, and turned it into jet fuel to make me run faster, jump higher, (in my case, still not that fast or high) and yell more insulting things back at the crowd. A favorite comeback of mine was when people yelled, “Pollard you suck!” My response? “They pay me a lot to suck this much!” I think I won.

I feel like I owe it to all athletes, “The Rock” not included, to show that an athlete can actually go on stage or screen and do something besides be a bad guy, a bodyguard, or the comedic giant. However, since I know about the conspiracy (keep reading), I’ll settle for getting my start in one of these roles. I can stand by a velvet rope and look mean. I can be awkward and bump my head on a doorway to make the lead actor seem so normal and good looking. If I get my foot in the door though, watch out!

Then I’ll be starring opposite The Rock as the bad guy, or the comedic relief, or the bodyguard. OK, at my size, I’m aware that the “lead actor” thing isn’t going to happen.  But at least it’ll be in major action movies!

Actors want to become athletes because, well, they’re very short people. Very short people want to do things they can’t do. Like bump their head on a doorway. Donald Trump wants to build giant towers and buy and sell people. (OK, Trump isn’t an actor but he’s short.)

Sports movie after sports movie comes out, and rarely do you see actual athletes playing a role in the movie. Why? It’s a conspiracy!

A) Actors are short (did I mention that yet?) and athletes, even short athletes, are tall. They can’t fit short people and tall people in the frame when shooting.

B) The actors band together and keep athletes out, and keep all the “sport” roles for themselves. This way they can act out their fantasy of becoming an athlete without being exposed as the short folks they are.

Oh sure, NBA players got Space Jam. But it was basically a freaking cartoon! Of course they can draw actors to fit in the frame with real athletes!

Kevin Costner made “Field of Dreams.” Great movie. That was just a side note. I really like “Field of Dreams.” When Kevin’s character asks his dad for a catch? I tear up every time. Kevin, if you read this, I can be the comedic relief in your next baseball movie. Let’s do “Major Dreams.”

I’ll play the past-his-prime catcher with bad knees and a heart of gold, and 7 children from 7 mothers and I’m playing just to make child support. You play the way past his prime pitcher that just squandered all his talent on booze and together we make a team go all the way. Oscar? Done.

I had an agent for a while. Now I’m looking for a different one. Seriously, I’m looking. I live in the Midwest but can be in L.A. anytime for an extended period of time. Who knows kids? Maybe me and The Rock will be the new James Bond and Jaws.

Pollard, Scot Pollard….”

Scot Pollard’s column appears each Tuesday on LostLettermen.com. Follow him on Twitter at @scotpollard31 or check out his website, PlanetPollard.com.

 
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